(You’re Not) Autistic

by MACKENZIE STEELE

You’re not autistic, because you’re too social:
            just a bit, well, quirky; never mind that we all think you are shy at first because you watch others for how to behave before joining in

You’re not autistic, because you’re an extrovert:
            even though most conversations are difficult enough to outweigh or balance out the energising effect of people, yet being alone for too long is draining

You’re not autistic, because you’re too empathetic:
            no, really, you feel so much all the time that you take on the emotions and pains of movies and strangers, and you cry all the time

You’re not autistic, because you are so expressionistic:
            you bounce on your toes, often have your head at an angle, your face and tone always tell volumes, and you copy accents subconsciously

You’re not autistic, because you’re too eloquent:
            and never mind that it took an entire minute to locate “eloquent”, or your habit of using unusual metaphors and made-up words

You’re not autistic, because I watched Big Bang Theory and my cousin’s nephew is nonverbal and you’re not like them:
            you can’t recall trivia in a pub quiz, you don’t rock back and forth (well, not in public, not anymore), and you are far too nice and always want to be included

You’re not autistic, you are just really smart:
            although strangely absent-minded for someone able to remember events from 20 years ago, and you really are too clever, I learn something new every time I talk to you

You’re not autistic, you are simply overly sensitive:
            I mean, I don’t believe your hearing is really that good and seriously it’s just tulle so stop making a fuss, plus you get overwhelmed from thinking many thoughts at once so maybe you shouldn’t multitask like that

You’re not autistic, because you are so spontaneous and flexible:
            you try new things like an obsession, and you let other people change up your routine suddenly because you don’t want to be abandoned

You’re not autistic, because you have many varied interests and hobbies:
            which you collect in the manner some people collect stamps, with a lot of in-depth trivia knowledge on a hodge-podge of unusual subjects

You’re not autistic, because you’re a girl –

and there it is

See, you are perfectly normal, so why can’t you act like it?